‿̩͙⊱༒︎༻♱༺༒︎⊰‿̩͙

So I finally start being gyaru actually… for like two weeks!
And then BOOM now I’m morute/dollcore.. woah
My room is just a mix of every aesthetic I’ve ever liked atp lmao
Next time I change styles again my money’s on y2k again, but not *actual* y2k, the tiktok version with baggy pants and stars yk
But that won’t be any time in the foreseeable future!

update: I was wrong. I'm actually goth now, but I still love morute as well.

 the meeting with the superintendent is on the 16th, and then only one more week until i'm back at school, yipee
i miss all my friends, and by friends i really only mean like 4 out of the 8 people in my group
still pissed off at c for snitching after making me upset but like whatever
because I GOT TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND YESTERDAY, YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEE
my dad took me and my brothers to see the minecraft movie and he said i could invite someone to come with us :D
speaking of, 'a minecraft movie' wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be, i don't know like anything about minecraft but my bf was pointing out inconsistencies and writing notes like the fucking nerd he is /aff <3
uhh steve and that one guy should've kissed thanks for coming to my ted talk  🫡

happy april fools btw 
my april fools joke would be “guess what!! I’m not depressed anymore and my life is normal again and my parents aren’t disappointed in me anymore” haha. ha
i pray the next three weeks go by really fast 

dude idek what to feel anymore. i’m trying to take everything lightheartedly but my heart feels so heavy.
atp I’m just trying not to kms, my life is over
my eyes hurt from crying, i feel betrayed and hopeless 
y’know average experience 

can i have this song just drilled into my brain please
 i want my summer to feel like this song, if it doesn’t i die /lh
www.youtube.com/watch
c’est, c’est une blague.
don’t look so fucking sad.
i love this song almost more than weird fishes / arpeggi

Today I took a test in ela class. I then had to use the restroom, so I asked to be excused. When I was in the hallway, I saw a girl in my grade, she said she liked my outfit. I always think it's so sweet when people who don't really know each other are kind to each other. When people I'm not  familiar with compliment me, it always brings a smile to my face :] I always make sure to smile and thank them, or compliment them in return. Being kind is cool y'all!!!

By the wayyyy, outfit description time!! Today is inspired by 90's and 2000's street fashion. White tank top with jewels, a red zip-up, my favorite arm warmers, and baggy jeans. IM WEARING LIGHT WASH DENIMSSSSS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ALMOST A YEARRRR!!
Also, I put my hair up for the first time in a while. It's in double braids :3

No photo today because I'm not in the mood :,)

..Is this just gonna become a fashion blog now bahaha

 I feel like I care more than my friends do.
About a lot of things, really.
More about the state of our friendship, more about school, just more in general.

I really love my close friends, I do.
I love them, but I hate how much effort I feel like I'm putting in that isn't being reciprocated.

I love my best friend, who I see as my older sister. She's mature, patient, and a good listener.
But she also overworks herself and neglects herself for others. Puts others needs before her own. 
While I think she cares, she can't help when we work in group projects. She just kind of sits there, listening to music.
I wish she would help, but I care too much about her mental health to ask.

I love my boyfriend. He's my other half. Il amore mio per sempre. He's talented, funny, and so so pretty.
But he also can be a bit of a know-it-all sometimes. (I find it cute though, so I really wouldn't say it's a negative.)
While I think he cares, I always have to be the one to talk about things and make plans. 
I wish that he cares like I do, that he sees me in the same light that I see him. That, maybe, I'm more than a temporary, a placeholder. But I care too much about what we have now to ask.
 
I like my other friends. The ones I wouldn't call my best friends, but I still talk to on occasion. 
They tease me at times, but it's never ill-intentioned.
I find that, sometimes, I laugh with them more than I laugh with my boyfriend.
Sometimes, I tell them more about my feelings than I tell my best friend.
Sometimes, I enjoy their company more than the friends I really love and care about.
And for them, I barely have to put any effort in. They understand me.

Maybe I should stop caring so much. 

 me and @mushroom_iez 's biggest opp/j is someone in our friend group bc why is bro so...
soo...
freaky.

what the sigma. bro is not our kid/ref

Only three words, yet they make my heart beat so fast.
I used to hear those three words and take them lightly. I was used to hearing it back when it had no meaning, when it was something said transactionally.
But now, those three words mean so much to me. While they hold so much emotional meaning, which I'm not used to, which I've been scared of, I'm willing to accept them now. I'm willing to take the pain with the meaning, with the sincerity and the hope. Now, I take them to heart.